These Are The Moments...

I am sitting on couch with Janee sleeping on my outstretched legs. I can't help but think of the lyrics to that song. "These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive. And these are the moments I'll remember all my life. I've got all I've wait for... and I could not ask for more."

Life is filled with so much hussle and bustle... we have to get to this practice, that appointment, her rehearsal, their performance my meeting, and 15 other things in between. But honestly, when it all boils down to it, we have to ask ourselves what really matters. What are the moments you'll cherish forever? 

When I look back on my childhood 2 sets of memories stand out, the ones filled with joy and the ones filled with hurt. I'm grateful my moments of love, joy, and happiness vastly out weigh the times of sadness and pain. As a parent, I want my children to have the same hindsight.  I know that I am busy and so are my children, but I refuse to allow that to hinder our moments of happiness. 

I believe as a parent, you must remember a few important things. 

1.) Special moments don't have to involve alot of money or planning. Sometimes it is just as simple as cuddling, playing jump rope, or enjoying a cup of cocoa together. My children love backyard camping, picnics, family game night, watching movies, singing, and a host of other inexpensive moment building activities. 

2.) Don't let the stress of the busy life you chose, become a stress on your relationship with your children. I have to remind myself of that when I'm behind or running late... it's not my children's fault (well, not all the time). Sometimes, I didn't plan wisely, I packed my schedule leaving only tiny gaps for transitions, I didn't take into account that it simply takes children longer. Whatever it is, I have to remember to breathe and talk to my children. Help them understand the source of my anxiety and that it is not them. They will remember that they had a busy mom but will they remember her being fussy and angry OR patient and flexible.

3.) Listen to your children. They will offer special moments to you all the time, don't be too busy to notice. One day Xavier and I created an "Xbox" together out of cardboard because he took a joke I made and ran with it. Janee helped me pick greens for Thanksgiving dinner. That moment could have been a "Get the baby. She's making a mess" moment. But it turned out she only wanted to help and she had an enjoyable time. Even teens, who may seem to care less about QT, crave it and ask for it in the strangest of ways. Listen to the babblings for your wouldbe adult. 

The important thing to remember is that they will not be babies forever. Ask any empty nester. They grow up, they move out, they begin families of their own and create new memories. Let their foundation be one of memories with you. Moments of love, peace, and happiness. In turn, you will have your own set of memories... I know I could not ask for more.

Time to Talk

Busy moms, for the last couple of weeks the key word in my house has been communication, especially my with tween. 

It's typical. She would be content with texting me her thoughts and feelings and only then when neccessary. 

But as parents it is our job to teach our children to use their words. Words are powerful. They start wars, end conflicts, break hearts, mend feelings, and provide release. And if any of you have ever posted to Facebook, texted, emailed, or written a letter that wasn't received as intended, you know how important verbal communication is. 

In this age of technology, face to face communication is becoming less and less a requirement. So, at the same time people are becoming less and less connected. That is because technology is not personal. Therefore, it does not aid our children in personal communication. 

So, in navigating my way through communicating with my children, I've gathered a few helpful tidbits along the way. 

1.)  Choose the right time

Timing is important. Don't have a heartfelt or important conversation while your child is distracted by something else, like TV or siblings. They'll hear you, but they won't be actively LISTENING to you. First remove distractions and then engage in conversation.  Also, don't begin indepth discussions at times when you will feel rushed or distracted. If you do, you'll be the one that's tuned out. Not a good message to send to your kid. And if you can avoid it, try not to have upsetting conversations right before school. It can have a negative impact on their entire day. 

2.)  Location, location, location

Opportunities to communicate can take place in a variety of locations. Still, the where is important. Try not to communicated about sensitive or embarrassing topics in front of others. Children, especially teenagers, will be reluctant to talk if they fear they are being judged by others. It also helps if the location has a light hearted tone. We are all more likely to open up when we are comfortable. So, ideal places are the car, at the park, at home in a cozy couch, laying in the trampoline while looking at the stars. It's pretty wide open. 

3.)  If you want to hear it, often times, you need to ask. 

Most children don't just offer up information... Well, at least not the information you are looking for. In most cases, you'll have to ask. Be specific. Children will answer the question you asked, not the question you meant to ask. "Did you ask your friend's mom of you could stay?" May receive a yes response from your child even if they asked the other parent via text with no reply.  Instead ask "What did your friend's mom say when you asked permission to stay over." Children, like adults, are not above omitting information that is unfavorable. Ask thoughtfully. 

4.)  Keep it age appropriate 

This one seems easy enough. I'm just mentioning it because my kids can get pretty deep rather unexpectedly. We've gotten into discussions of death and dying seemingly out of the blue. My main point is you don't have to answer every question or go to far in depth. Say what's needed at the time and let it settle. It's better to let them form their understanding of complex or mature topics overtime than be overwhelmed by the raw truth too early. However, there will come a time for the tough stuff and when it does, you have to treat it maturely. That's the time you have to make sure you don't water it down too much or sugar coat it. 

5.)  Ask for clarification

While having these heart to hearts, it's important that you ask questions. Questioning plays three important roles. The first is the most odvious. When you ask questions you can clear up misunderstandings you may have about what your child is saying. Additionally, you may help your child better formulate their own thoughts if you ask the right questions. Say things like, "How does that make you feel?" "Why did you react that way?" "What are you thinking right now?" Avoid yes or no questions because they don't promote conversation. And lastly, asking questions shows your child that you are listening to what they have to say and you care about understanding them. 

6.) Be reassuring

Communicating may feel like dental extraction for some children, especially when talking about embarrassing issues or times they've done something wrong. Do your best to be positive and reassuring. Let them know you care about them and that is why you are talking. You can help and understand. And let them know, there may be consequences but your conversation may lessen them or make the situation better in other ways. Doing this will encourage your child to continue to talk to you and open up. And trust me, as they approach those teenage years, you'll want them to talk to you as much as they can about whatever you can get out. 

Now parents, with all that said, the most important thing is to just start talking. It will bring you closer as a family and give everyone a voice. That's what I call a parental win. 

Everything I need to know, I learned in basic training

1.) Amry Strong- 

In the Army, you are only as strong as your weakest team member. If one person was down, it left everyone else was vulnerable. So, it was up to you to pick that person up, build them up, help them to rise to the occasion.

It is the same in our families. If one of us is down (depressed, hurt, overwhelmed), everyone else is more vulnerable (to emotional outbursts, loneliness, and depression). When we lift up those who are down, it strengthens us all. 

2) YOU can do it-

Obstacle courses, drill sergeants, lack of sleep, family seperation, physical training... Were all things to either overcome, accomplish, or endure. At times it many have seemed impossible, but in the end you were victorious. 

When it comes to your family life, realize anything that is meant to be yours can be obtained.  Any door meant for you can be opened. But you must fight. You must build your mental strength and endurance. And then you must do it. 

3) Always have a Battle Buddy-

In basic training on training exercises, I walking around post, and every where we went, we always had to have our battle buddy with us. You were to always have your battle buddy's back and they were to have yours. 

As parents, we all need a battle buddy.

Whether it's a spouse, a sibling, or a best friend, we all need someone who is going to have our back at every turn. Someone who will drag you out of the devastation and the chaos when you are too wounded to make it on your own. 

4) Point your "weapon" down range-

During basic, we'd go the the firing range to practice aiming and firing our weapons at targets from various distances. One of the very first things they thought you, well before you ever received a live round, was to point your weapon down range. Why, you may ask. To keep you from shooting your battle buddy, the people standing by your side. 

So, as parents, we need to point our weapons down range. If we are angry at work, a spouse, a friend, or even ourselves, we need to be careful not to aim our frustrations at unintended targets, our children. Friendly fire is not at all friendly. Don't shoot your children down with harsh words or unwarranted silence. Take a time out if you need to but come back to your children and realize they are on your side. 

5) You Are A Protector-

I'll pulled countless guard duties, fire guard duty, perimeter guard duty,... Up in the middle of the night on the middle of the woods kind of duty. Their was always someone on guard duty, someone watching out to warn us of a possible threat. 

That's a parent. Sleeping light. Listening for that cry or cough. Watching the clock at curfew, watching the friends our children choose. We must be watchful. The workd we live in is a beautiful place, but there are dark pockets. It is our job to protect our children within reason. Allow them to grow while cherishing the safety of their mind, body, and spirit. 

Cheap and Easy Family Fun

Ok, Busy Moms, I was inspired tonight so I'm passing it on to you! 

So, this weekend (like many weekends) I told the kids, on Saturday we are going to do something. Now, I say "something" to give myself some wiggle room. I actually have no idea at the time what we are doing, but I know that I must spend some quality time with my kiddos for their sake and mine. **side note: I spent QT with the hubby on Friday which is equally important... ANYWHO... So, what followed was a lot of brainstorming about what to do with the kiddos. Mind you it must be low budget and low key. That was the inspiration for this post. 

So, with that said, I've compiled a list of my favorite fun and expensive QT activities. 

1) backyard camping- all you need is a yard, a tent, and bedding. If you don't own tent, borrow from a friend or family. While you are out there you can star gaze. You can use apps like Sky Guide to point out constellations ( if you are like me you don't know Orion from Uranus). 

2) in home centers- this is great when you have several kids, though it would work with one. I set up various centers like computers, art, building, and writing. They get a set amount of time, say 15 min, per center. It works well when you have limited supplies and everyone gets a turn. 

3) bike riding- this is a family favorite. You can bike to a destination like the park or the beach or you can just bike for the fun of it. 

4) the beach- this one is definitely location driven. For us down here in southern Florida, this is an easy go to outing. And if you are lucky your only expense will be sunblock. 

5) an at home movie night- Netflix and Red Box have made movie night convent and relatively cheap. Pop some corn and enjoy hot cocoa to make it a special night. 

6) game night- Break out the board games or make up some of your own. Playing games helps teach sportsmanship and strategizing. 

7) dance party- You can YouTube JustDance if you don't have the video game. Kids have fun just dancing along. It's an awesome workout and a good time. 

8) whine and painting- Well, if your children are critics of their artwork like mine are, you'll definitely have some "whine". However, it can be quite fun once they get going. Give them tips. Watch a YouTube how to video. You don't have to be an expert. You'll still be encouraging creativity. 

9) in home obstacle course- chairs, tables, stools... under, over, around, and through. You'll work on motor skills, burn some energy, and have a blast in the process. 

10) makeshift Legos- I save crystal light canisters and toilet paper rolls. My kids love building and creating with them. I love them because they are free and really easy to clean up. 

11) water play- Buckets, water guns, a water hose, water balloons, a slip and slide... It's all fun and games when water is involved. 

12) bake something- it's especially awesome when you can turn it over to the kids. Let them measure, count, sift, and mix.  They will learn so much in the process and the results are delicious. 

13) nature walk- Take a walk outdoors. You don't have to end up in the woods. Just walk along the trees.  Look for bugs, plant life, and creatures. 

14) story time at grandma's- My mom was born in the 1930's and trust me, she has stories to tell. My children learn so much culture and family history. It may not be the most action packed night, but it's well worth it. 

15) experiment- make goop, mix baking soda and vinegar, explore static electricity with balloons. Bring out the inner scientist in your kiddos. 

16) make a book- My children I write personal books with photos as the illustrations. We also made a book where the children took turns adding to the story. It sparks their creativity and is a reading motivator. 

17) indoor fort- sheets and blankets still make fantastic forts. Help out them up. Play in them. Your kids will appreciate you coming into their world. 

18) play spa- The spa is not just for the girls. The boys can give and receive massages. (It will be great practice for when they become hubbies)

19) go shopping at the dollar tree- tell each child they can have 1 or 2 items of their choosing. They won't break the bank, they'll learn to make choices, and they'll learn money management skills if you allow them to pay at the register. 

20) play outside- get out there and just play. You need the sunshine, fresh air, and exercise. Play frisbee, basketball, jumprope or hop scotch. It doesn't matter. Enjoy the time with your kids. 

And honestly, it doesn't matter what you do with your kids as long as you're having fun enjoying each other's company. 

The 12 Days of Back to School

BeeZ Mom Playlist

Here is a list of some of the I am woman hear me roar songs that is like to rock out to. They make me feel strong, sassy, fierce, and beautiful. Once you've checked them out, let me know what you think. And as always, if you have some recommendations for me, post them in the comments. I'd love to hear them. 

Who run the world – Beyoncé 

Miss Independent – Neyo

Working 9 to 5 – Dolly Parton

Fighter- Christina Aguilera

Roar– Katy Perry

Let it go, Frozen – Demi Lovato

Stronger– Kelly Clarkson

What makes you beautiful – One Direction

Just the way you are – Bruno Mars 

Who are you when I'm not looking – Blake Shelton

Man! I feel like a woman- Shania Twain

Kids Can Clean

Maintaining your home is a family affair.

 

 

Even at a very early age your child can complete age appropriate cleaning tasks to help around the house. Now, busy moms, don't stress out if it's not done to your liking. We are talking about children here. Initially, what you are doing is teaching responsibility in the home. You are setting the expectation early... Trust me, you'll get alot less resistance later. And don't worry, you can always go back and tidy up or reclean behind the job done by your small children. **Hint: Don't let them see you do it. None of us like to have someone running behind us and correcting our every move. ;)