Time to Talk

Busy moms, for the last couple of weeks the key word in my house has been communication, especially my with tween. 

It's typical. She would be content with texting me her thoughts and feelings and only then when neccessary. 

But as parents it is our job to teach our children to use their words. Words are powerful. They start wars, end conflicts, break hearts, mend feelings, and provide release. And if any of you have ever posted to Facebook, texted, emailed, or written a letter that wasn't received as intended, you know how important verbal communication is. 

In this age of technology, face to face communication is becoming less and less a requirement. So, at the same time people are becoming less and less connected. That is because technology is not personal. Therefore, it does not aid our children in personal communication. 

So, in navigating my way through communicating with my children, I've gathered a few helpful tidbits along the way. 

1.)  Choose the right time

Timing is important. Don't have a heartfelt or important conversation while your child is distracted by something else, like TV or siblings. They'll hear you, but they won't be actively LISTENING to you. First remove distractions and then engage in conversation.  Also, don't begin indepth discussions at times when you will feel rushed or distracted. If you do, you'll be the one that's tuned out. Not a good message to send to your kid. And if you can avoid it, try not to have upsetting conversations right before school. It can have a negative impact on their entire day. 

2.)  Location, location, location

Opportunities to communicate can take place in a variety of locations. Still, the where is important. Try not to communicated about sensitive or embarrassing topics in front of others. Children, especially teenagers, will be reluctant to talk if they fear they are being judged by others. It also helps if the location has a light hearted tone. We are all more likely to open up when we are comfortable. So, ideal places are the car, at the park, at home in a cozy couch, laying in the trampoline while looking at the stars. It's pretty wide open. 

3.)  If you want to hear it, often times, you need to ask. 

Most children don't just offer up information... Well, at least not the information you are looking for. In most cases, you'll have to ask. Be specific. Children will answer the question you asked, not the question you meant to ask. "Did you ask your friend's mom of you could stay?" May receive a yes response from your child even if they asked the other parent via text with no reply.  Instead ask "What did your friend's mom say when you asked permission to stay over." Children, like adults, are not above omitting information that is unfavorable. Ask thoughtfully. 

4.)  Keep it age appropriate 

This one seems easy enough. I'm just mentioning it because my kids can get pretty deep rather unexpectedly. We've gotten into discussions of death and dying seemingly out of the blue. My main point is you don't have to answer every question or go to far in depth. Say what's needed at the time and let it settle. It's better to let them form their understanding of complex or mature topics overtime than be overwhelmed by the raw truth too early. However, there will come a time for the tough stuff and when it does, you have to treat it maturely. That's the time you have to make sure you don't water it down too much or sugar coat it. 

5.)  Ask for clarification

While having these heart to hearts, it's important that you ask questions. Questioning plays three important roles. The first is the most odvious. When you ask questions you can clear up misunderstandings you may have about what your child is saying. Additionally, you may help your child better formulate their own thoughts if you ask the right questions. Say things like, "How does that make you feel?" "Why did you react that way?" "What are you thinking right now?" Avoid yes or no questions because they don't promote conversation. And lastly, asking questions shows your child that you are listening to what they have to say and you care about understanding them. 

6.) Be reassuring

Communicating may feel like dental extraction for some children, especially when talking about embarrassing issues or times they've done something wrong. Do your best to be positive and reassuring. Let them know you care about them and that is why you are talking. You can help and understand. And let them know, there may be consequences but your conversation may lessen them or make the situation better in other ways. Doing this will encourage your child to continue to talk to you and open up. And trust me, as they approach those teenage years, you'll want them to talk to you as much as they can about whatever you can get out. 

Now parents, with all that said, the most important thing is to just start talking. It will bring you closer as a family and give everyone a voice. That's what I call a parental win. 

Everything I need to know, I learned in basic training

1.) Amry Strong- 

In the Army, you are only as strong as your weakest team member. If one person was down, it left everyone else was vulnerable. So, it was up to you to pick that person up, build them up, help them to rise to the occasion.

It is the same in our families. If one of us is down (depressed, hurt, overwhelmed), everyone else is more vulnerable (to emotional outbursts, loneliness, and depression). When we lift up those who are down, it strengthens us all. 

2) YOU can do it-

Obstacle courses, drill sergeants, lack of sleep, family seperation, physical training... Were all things to either overcome, accomplish, or endure. At times it many have seemed impossible, but in the end you were victorious. 

When it comes to your family life, realize anything that is meant to be yours can be obtained.  Any door meant for you can be opened. But you must fight. You must build your mental strength and endurance. And then you must do it. 

3) Always have a Battle Buddy-

In basic training on training exercises, I walking around post, and every where we went, we always had to have our battle buddy with us. You were to always have your battle buddy's back and they were to have yours. 

As parents, we all need a battle buddy.

Whether it's a spouse, a sibling, or a best friend, we all need someone who is going to have our back at every turn. Someone who will drag you out of the devastation and the chaos when you are too wounded to make it on your own. 

4) Point your "weapon" down range-

During basic, we'd go the the firing range to practice aiming and firing our weapons at targets from various distances. One of the very first things they thought you, well before you ever received a live round, was to point your weapon down range. Why, you may ask. To keep you from shooting your battle buddy, the people standing by your side. 

So, as parents, we need to point our weapons down range. If we are angry at work, a spouse, a friend, or even ourselves, we need to be careful not to aim our frustrations at unintended targets, our children. Friendly fire is not at all friendly. Don't shoot your children down with harsh words or unwarranted silence. Take a time out if you need to but come back to your children and realize they are on your side. 

5) You Are A Protector-

I'll pulled countless guard duties, fire guard duty, perimeter guard duty,... Up in the middle of the night on the middle of the woods kind of duty. Their was always someone on guard duty, someone watching out to warn us of a possible threat. 

That's a parent. Sleeping light. Listening for that cry or cough. Watching the clock at curfew, watching the friends our children choose. We must be watchful. The workd we live in is a beautiful place, but there are dark pockets. It is our job to protect our children within reason. Allow them to grow while cherishing the safety of their mind, body, and spirit. 

Cheap and Easy Family Fun

Ok, Busy Moms, I was inspired tonight so I'm passing it on to you! 

So, this weekend (like many weekends) I told the kids, on Saturday we are going to do something. Now, I say "something" to give myself some wiggle room. I actually have no idea at the time what we are doing, but I know that I must spend some quality time with my kiddos for their sake and mine. **side note: I spent QT with the hubby on Friday which is equally important... ANYWHO... So, what followed was a lot of brainstorming about what to do with the kiddos. Mind you it must be low budget and low key. That was the inspiration for this post. 

So, with that said, I've compiled a list of my favorite fun and expensive QT activities. 

1) backyard camping- all you need is a yard, a tent, and bedding. If you don't own tent, borrow from a friend or family. While you are out there you can star gaze. You can use apps like Sky Guide to point out constellations ( if you are like me you don't know Orion from Uranus). 

2) in home centers- this is great when you have several kids, though it would work with one. I set up various centers like computers, art, building, and writing. They get a set amount of time, say 15 min, per center. It works well when you have limited supplies and everyone gets a turn. 

3) bike riding- this is a family favorite. You can bike to a destination like the park or the beach or you can just bike for the fun of it. 

4) the beach- this one is definitely location driven. For us down here in southern Florida, this is an easy go to outing. And if you are lucky your only expense will be sunblock. 

5) an at home movie night- Netflix and Red Box have made movie night convent and relatively cheap. Pop some corn and enjoy hot cocoa to make it a special night. 

6) game night- Break out the board games or make up some of your own. Playing games helps teach sportsmanship and strategizing. 

7) dance party- You can YouTube JustDance if you don't have the video game. Kids have fun just dancing along. It's an awesome workout and a good time. 

8) whine and painting- Well, if your children are critics of their artwork like mine are, you'll definitely have some "whine". However, it can be quite fun once they get going. Give them tips. Watch a YouTube how to video. You don't have to be an expert. You'll still be encouraging creativity. 

9) in home obstacle course- chairs, tables, stools... under, over, around, and through. You'll work on motor skills, burn some energy, and have a blast in the process. 

10) makeshift Legos- I save crystal light canisters and toilet paper rolls. My kids love building and creating with them. I love them because they are free and really easy to clean up. 

11) water play- Buckets, water guns, a water hose, water balloons, a slip and slide... It's all fun and games when water is involved. 

12) bake something- it's especially awesome when you can turn it over to the kids. Let them measure, count, sift, and mix.  They will learn so much in the process and the results are delicious. 

13) nature walk- Take a walk outdoors. You don't have to end up in the woods. Just walk along the trees.  Look for bugs, plant life, and creatures. 

14) story time at grandma's- My mom was born in the 1930's and trust me, she has stories to tell. My children learn so much culture and family history. It may not be the most action packed night, but it's well worth it. 

15) experiment- make goop, mix baking soda and vinegar, explore static electricity with balloons. Bring out the inner scientist in your kiddos. 

16) make a book- My children I write personal books with photos as the illustrations. We also made a book where the children took turns adding to the story. It sparks their creativity and is a reading motivator. 

17) indoor fort- sheets and blankets still make fantastic forts. Help out them up. Play in them. Your kids will appreciate you coming into their world. 

18) play spa- The spa is not just for the girls. The boys can give and receive massages. (It will be great practice for when they become hubbies)

19) go shopping at the dollar tree- tell each child they can have 1 or 2 items of their choosing. They won't break the bank, they'll learn to make choices, and they'll learn money management skills if you allow them to pay at the register. 

20) play outside- get out there and just play. You need the sunshine, fresh air, and exercise. Play frisbee, basketball, jumprope or hop scotch. It doesn't matter. Enjoy the time with your kids. 

And honestly, it doesn't matter what you do with your kids as long as you're having fun enjoying each other's company. 

The 12 Days of Back to School

BeeZ Mom Playlist

Here is a list of some of the I am woman hear me roar songs that is like to rock out to. They make me feel strong, sassy, fierce, and beautiful. Once you've checked them out, let me know what you think. And as always, if you have some recommendations for me, post them in the comments. I'd love to hear them. 

Who run the world – Beyoncé 

Miss Independent – Neyo

Working 9 to 5 – Dolly Parton

Fighter- Christina Aguilera

Roar– Katy Perry

Let it go, Frozen – Demi Lovato

Stronger– Kelly Clarkson

What makes you beautiful – One Direction

Just the way you are – Bruno Mars 

Who are you when I'm not looking – Blake Shelton

Man! I feel like a woman- Shania Twain

Kids Can Clean

Maintaining your home is a family affair.

 

 

Even at a very early age your child can complete age appropriate cleaning tasks to help around the house. Now, busy moms, don't stress out if it's not done to your liking. We are talking about children here. Initially, what you are doing is teaching responsibility in the home. You are setting the expectation early... Trust me, you'll get alot less resistance later. And don't worry, you can always go back and tidy up or reclean behind the job done by your small children. **Hint: Don't let them see you do it. None of us like to have someone running behind us and correcting our every move. ;)

Find Your Fit

Good morning, busy moms. I hope you all doing wonderfully today. I sure am because I was able to get in my first crossfit workout in a really long time. I know as a busy mom it can be tough to make time to work out. Between getting the kids up, getting to work, taking the kids to different events cleaning the house, cooking the dinner, and so on we find it difficult to take the time to stay fit. 

Now, I'm not talking to you from a perfectionist stand point. It's been a long time since I've been to the gym. It's even been a long time since I've hopped on the stationary bike or gone for a walk. But because of this lapse in time, I'm realizing how important it is. This morning I was huffing and puffing like the chain-smoker during crossfit. I felt out of shape. At one point in my work out I was actually praying to God to give me the stamina and breath to keep going. 

The workout today just emphasized the fact that working out is so important for everyday lives. There are so many times when I want to run and play and have fun with my kids but I have physical limitations... not because I'm not strong enough but because I'm not fit enough.

So, once again I'm figuring out that IT HAS TO BE A LIFESTYLE. And the way you make it a lifestyle change is you find your fit. Find that workout that doesn't feel like work. Find the fitness routine that fits your personality. If you like being outdoors find a fitness activity that's outdoors. Don't do it at home in front of a television. Get outside and get moving. However if you are someone who doesn't like to sweat, doesn't like the trees and has severe allergies don't take hiking. Don't pick running outdoors. 

If you're a loner, try swimming or bike riding. If your social butterfly like myself take a class... join a gym. Whatever it takes find your fit. If you like what you're doing, you're more likely to keep doing it.  

**If you look closely on the wall below, you can see my name and the beloved Rx. 

Inspiration- You Can Do It

Dear Busy Moms,

How is life treating you? How are you feeling about where you are today? How are you feeling about you? My hope is that your responses were overflowing with positivity and you are in a happy place with your life as it is now. 

However, if your thoughts turned Eeyore (sort of gloomy), I'm here to say I understand... Now do something about it. 

So many times people lay down and allow life to beat the crap out of them. They stick with a job they hate, put up with people who put them down, and miss out on various opportunities. Why? Because they are comfortable or powerless. Because it's what they've been doing. Because the don't have the time or the money. 

Busy moms, I'm here to tell you, "You are worth it." and "You can do it."

Personal Story

I got out of the army in April of 2005. I was a newly web mother of 1... 2 counting the addition of my beautiful step daughter. I began working immediately as a bank teller, but that wasn't my goal. I wanted more. I wanted to go back to school and in August of that same year, I did. Granted , I had to quit my banking job because the hours didn't fit my schooling. I didn't panic. God is good. I got a temp job at a inbound phone call center. Did I mention I was 4 months pregnant at the time? I had AJ in January. I had to quit my job because I was still in school with a newborn and the hours didn't work. God provided. Fall came around and I started working again at another phone call center that was open 24 hrs so I could take day classes or night classes. Spring came around and what do you know... I am expecting again. I continue with my last year of undergraduate school. In November, I gave birth to my son and quit my job. In December, I took finals. In January, I began my internship at an elementary school. Still God Provides. I was offered a job at the school. I accepted it, grateful that my journey put me where I wanted and needed to be at the time. 

Now, granted some of you have done things more difficult than this. Many of you have done it alone. But my story is simply a testament to the fact that if you have a goal and a belief in God, anything is possible.

So if you are not happy with your job, your friends, your location, your life... Plan to make a change. Put God into your plan. Then start working. 

You can do it. 

Kids and Towels- The Mystery is Solved

So, if you are like me all too often your children's bath towels end up on the floor which leads to more washing, drying, and folding. And for busy moms like myself, more is not more.

 

But thanks to this helpful tip, you will be better able to help your kids be responsible for their bath time essentials.

 

If you enjoyed this helpful bathtime or have some recommendations, please leave a comment below.

The Book that Changed my Life

This is the book that changed my life, revamped my home, and quite possibly saved my marriage. 

I don't know if you can tell, but it's pages are dog eared after only a few months. That is because it went with me everywhere. I read and reread it. I found it a treasure trove of knowledge for mastering my extremely cluttered home. Don't believe me, just ask my family. They'll tell you that our home has come a long way from where it used to be. 

Previously, I'd have to clean my home for a day and a half in order to have friends over (and even then you couldn't open a closet or a cabinet). Now things are manageable. I don't freak out when I have unexpected guest. Now I take about 15 mins to make it it's best. 

QT for a Big Family

I polled my Facebook friends tonight to find out what is important to busy moms. The response was outstanding. I got so much insight from so many wonderful woman. So, I'm going to use that insight to fuel my posts.

The following topics was posed by one of my longtime friends. 

How to make equal time with each child of different ages? I have a 7 year old a3 year old and 7 month old. ~ Fawn

So, Fawn, I definitely know where you are coming from. I have 4 kids of my own ( if this confuses some of you I'll explain later). I have experienced challenges of my own with ensuring everyone gets the time they need and long for. Let me preface this by saying their is no one size fits all recipe for giving everyone the time they deserve, but there are somethings that should help in any case. 

Spend One-on-One Time

Up until recently I believed that hanging out with all of your children together all the time was the best option. But because of feedback from my children and other moms, I've changed my tune (slightly). 

You see this past spring I went to Washington, DC with Brianna (11). It was such a wonderful bonding experience. She's truly a different child when she's not around her siblings. It was important for me to see that side of her and for her to experience me without her brothers presence. Additionally, her brothers were excitedly awaiting their alone time with mom. 

Double Dip

One way that I tackle QT when time is short is to roll it into another individualized task. In our household nightly reading is a perfect time for QT. Now, I  know reading time can sound something like " Go in your room and read for 20 minutes"... 20 minutes later... "Did you read?" "Yes" "What'd you read about" "I dunno." Trust me, I've been there. One of the great things about becoming an educator is that I've gotten some excellent parenting advice along the way. 

Moms it's important for us to listen to our children read for so many reasons. For one thing, it shows them that reading time is important to is. Second, it shows them that they are important enough for us to stop what we are doing and listen solely to them. Third, you can help with reading fluency and comprehension. OK... OK... I know I was just up on my teacher soap box. I'm off. Now, QT with a big family fits right into this whole reading thing. You see, you can spend time with your oldest reading to you while the others nap or play. You can read to your 3 year old while the your 7 year old reads to the baby. And the same goes for the 3 month old. You don't have to have this alone reading time with everyone every day, so mix it up. As long as everyone is listening to or reading to someone, it's a win. 

Special Days

I've recently talked to moms that say they have a special outing or trip with each child at predetermined increments. Granted, this one is new for me. I usually just make it happen as opportunity strikes... i.e the boys are on a play date, let's go. But I can see the merit to planning it out and making a big deal of it. In this case, everyone knows they will get their time, so no one feels slighted when you return. Plus, you can really play the event up so they know exactly how special they are to you. 

Use Your Resources

Now, maybe you can't afford to make it an event everytime. It's ok. Stolen moments are just as valuable. Take advantage of sleep overs when the other siblings are away. Ask a relative to entertain siblings while you and the oldest grab a snack or prepare a meal. Sign her up for Girl Scouts and while she's meeting take the others to the playground. Flip flop at times and leave the others with a friend or sitter while you help with the meeting. Those moments matter. I know because my children tell me. 

Spend Time By Any Means Necessary 

My dear mother had 7 kids. The 5 boys were very close together with my sister and I lagging behind. And let me tell you. She did an awesome job. You know, there wasn't all of this research out there on how to do this and how to do that. There was no YouTube, Facebook, ask.com, or google. Still she did it. She spent time. Maybe not to much 1 on 1, but time none the less. And at the end of the day I can say we are all great people. 

 

This Busy Mom

If you are like me (the typical busy mom)...you work, cook, clean, chauffeur, help with homework, spend quality time with the kids, and attempt (and I do stress attempt) to have social life. It's something that I often compare to spinning plates. The act isn't as good if plates start falling. Oops! The house is a mess. Crap! I don't have time to cook... Guess it's takeout again. *+!?@ We didn't do the practice spelling test on Thursday. 

I know the feeling all too well. Still, I'm learning that with various resources and support I can keep more plates spinning longer. Plus, I have strategies in place to pick up those fallen plate a little more gravefully. My hope is to share some of those strategies with you along the way and also gain some techniques from you. 

I am by no means perfect, but then again, none of us are. I'm simply seeking the means to have an enjoyable and less chaotic life while doing all of the things my family and the woman in me need.